


Filter By Relationship

by unrealkinkster (criticalkink)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: Drunken Kissing, F/F, F/M, Kissing, Kissing Games, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 07:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11984628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criticalkink/pseuds/unrealkinkster
Summary: Taliesin has a list of the most popular ships in theCritical Rolefandom.  He also has a lot of friends who are okay with casually making out. Combine the two and add alcohol, and you get enough pairings that I won't bother listing them in the actual ships box.





	Filter By Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> People present: Matt, Marisha, Taliesin, Liam, Laura, Sam, Ashley, Travis, Mary, and Will. People drunk: all of the above. Premise: like spin the bottle, but weirder. See title. The list was based on the _Critical Role_ fan fiction section on AO3 as at the 15th of March 2016. It would obviously be very different today. Originally posted on the kmeme [here](http://criticalkink.dreamwidth.org/972.html?thread=8908#cmt8908).

“Can you explain again why this is supposed to be a good idea?” Sam squints at Taliesin suspiciously from where he’s lounging on a cushion, across the loose circle the ten of them have formed.  
  
“Because,” Taliesin explains, “we’re drunk.”  
  
“I like it,” Marisha says, leaning her head against Taliesin’s shoulder and trying to peek at his phone. “Where did you find this list?”  
  
“The internet.” As if that explains anything. There’s a lot of stuff on the internet. Mostly they don’t go looking for it. But Taliesin’s got the page open on his phone already, and it  _is_  pretty interesting being able to see who the Critters would like to see together.  
  
“Go on, then,” Matt says, looking up from where he’s got his head in Marisha’s lap. “Who’s first?”  
  
Taliesin clears his throat. “At number ten, we have... Vax and Vex.”  
  
Liam and Laura react predictably with looks of shock. “As in...”  
  
“Oh. Wait. It’s an ampersand, not a virgule.”  
  
“Just call it a fuckin’ slash,” Travis says, secure in the knowledge that Grog is almost entirely unlikely to be on this particular list.  
  
“How many of these are just going to be Matt making out with himself?” Laura asks.  
  
“Fewer than you’d think.” It’s actually just one, but it’s higher on the list than half-elven twincest.   
  
(Well, it’s not actually twincest if it’s an ampersand, right?)  
  
(He hates that he knows this.)  
  
“We have to start somewhere,” Mary says, eyes on Laura. “If we don’t start somewhere, we’ll never know who’s number one.”  
  
“You’re shipper trash,” Ashley tells her.  
  
Liam and Laura are still looking at each other, and when they kiss it’s not precisely passionate, but not exactly like siblings either. Liam’s hand runs through Laura’s dark hair once, slowly, and they come apart with smiles. Liam flicks a glance at Travis, who just rolls his eyes and grins.  
  
“Who’s next, oracle of the makeouts?” Sam asks.  
  
Taliesin looks down at his phone. “Uh... Vax and Keyleth—”  
  
There’s a premature  _ooooh_  from Laura.  
  
“—and Percy,” Taliesin finishes.

“What?” Several of them say it at once.  
  
“How does that even—” Will looks bemused.  
  
“Watch and learn, darling,” Mary says.  
  
Marisha turns quite easily to Taliesin, and both of them pause, watching Liam across the floor. He’s shaking his head slightly.  
  
“Just how many of these am I in?”  
  
“One more than Laura is,” Taliesin not-answers.  
  
“Shithead.” Liam knee-walks over to the two of them and they all three lean in together. Marisha’s tongue catches the corner of Taliesin’s lips; his slight stubble scrapes against Liam’s; Liam’s mouth clings to Marisha’s for a long moment and then his tongue slips briefly against Taliesin’s before the three of them separate.  
  
“It doesn’t really work,” Will says.  
  
“If one of these pairings is Kashaw and Zahra and someone you can find out,” Ashley points out.  
  
“Or Kashaw and Vesh and someone,” Laura adds.  
  
“Speaking of you, Will...” Taliesin waits until everyone shuts up. Liam is refilling drinks, passing glasses around. “Keyleth and Kash come in at number eight.”  
  
“I am  _so_  shocked,” Matt says, sitting up so that Marisha can move over to Will and plant a kiss on him that is decidedly not a first-time-kiss kiss. Will makes a startled noise and then has his hands in her hair, and she’s giggling into the kiss. Thinking it over, anyone would be lucky to have that as a first time kiss.  
  
“Where exactly do Scanlan and Pike come in on this list?” Sam asks as Marisha resumes her seat.  
  
Ashley leans over and pecks his cheek. “Don’t be too disappointed, I think everyone’s going to wait for it to be canon.”  
  
“You’re the love of my life,” Sam says, pecking her in return.  
  
“That’s not fair if they’re not next on the list,” Travis says.  
  
“Are you waiting for Grog and whores to come up?” Marisha asks with genuine interest. “Because that means making out with Matt.”  
  
Travis shrugs. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing ever.”  
  
“Thanks a lot.” Matt takes a long swallow of his beer, throat working, and then sets the cup down. “Who’s up next?”

Taliesin looks down and snorts. “Kima and Allura, actually.”  
  
“Oh, come on,” Will protests. “How the fuck does that actually work?”  
  
“I feel like Matt making out with his own hand is literally the worst possible way to represent a lesbian NPC relationship,” says Ashley, before a giggle escapes her and sets Laura off.  
  
Matt just glares at everyone in general and then makes out with his own hand. Which, to be realistic, is quite probably a lot of people’s first time kiss experience.  
  
“Moving on,” he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, while everyone else ignores him in favor of laughing. “Moving on!”  
  
“There’s got to be better lesbian representation than that,” Laura says.  
  
Taliesin checks the list and grins right at her, giving her one of her own patented winks.

“What.  _What_?” Laura tries to pounce across the circle at him—specifically, at his phone—but Taliesin pulls it away.  
  
“Is it me and Laura?” Mary asks, already smiling.  
  
“Well done.” Taliesin nods at her.  
  
Mary grins, obviously delighted, and pulls Laura into her arms, proceeding to put Matt’s self-makeout thoroughly to shame in the queer lady representation stakes. Laura only hesitates out of surprise before kissing her back enthusiastically. Travis looks impressed. Will looks a little stunned. It’s definitely entertaining to watch.  
  
When they finally separate, both of them look a little starry-eyed. Laura makes a motion to go back to her cushion.  
  
“Don’t go too far, Laura,” Taliesin says.  
  
“ _Really_?”  
  
“Number five is Keyleth and Vex.”  
  
Marisha sits up, opening her arms, and Laura goes to her with a little unsurprised laugh. They kiss like it’s not the first time, with ease and familiarity.  
  
“Vex and Zahra, Vex and Keyleth... who’s next, Vex and Pike?” Matt asks, raising an eyebrow. Marisha flips him the bird, still lip-locked with Laura.  
  
“You’re... okay, you’re not really close,” Taliesin says, and, “Don’t go too far, Laura.”  
  
Laura looks from him to Matt. “Kima? Allura?”  
  
“Vex and  _Percy_?” Sam sounds rather squeaky.  
  
Ashley’s nodding slowly. “I can see that.”  
  
“Wait, Liam’s in  _more_  than Laura?” Travis is doing the math way faster than Grog would. “That means...”  
  
Taliesin and Laura hush the others and Laura turns away from Marisha to Taliesin. There’s laughter in her eyes, like she can’t quite believe how popular her character is. Taliesin can understand how she feels, sort of.  
  
Then they’re kissing and all thoughts of the list go out of his head. This is more than catching Marisha’s lips at the corner of his own. It’s exactly—well. it’s exactly like kissing a half-elf, half-wild being. He doesn’t want to let her go; the look in her eyes when she pulls back says that she doesn’t quite want to go either. Perhaps this is what it’s like where nature meets science: tempered with curiosity and intrigue.  
  
They’re down to (or up to) the top three now, and Travis is already looking expectantly from Taliesin’s phone to Liam’s face. He’s done the math, and he’s not stupid.  
  
“It’s you and the other twin now, isn’t it?” he asks, roaring laughter when Taliesin nods.  
  
Liam sighs and crosses the circle to him. “Here we are again,” he says.  
  
Taliesin raises an eyebrow. “As fandom decrees it.”

“You’re the one with the list, how do we know you’re not making it up?” Liam asks, touching Taliesin’s cheek.  
  
“The internet never lies,” Taliesin says, but he doesn’t show Liam the phone. Instead he leans into Liam’s touch and their eyes meet before Ashley starts giggling.  
  
“What?” Liam asks.  
  
“Nothing, nothing...” She’s got her fingers pressed to her lips, eyes bright with amusement.  
  
Liam rolls his eyes at her and pulls Taliesin close. “As fandom decrees it,” he says, and his lips meet Taliesin’s.  
  
There’s a good deal of heat in it and Taliesin’s not sure it can entirely be attributed to what Liam’s been drinking. Liam’s fingers comb through his hair, and Taliesin responds in kind, vaguely aware of how quiet the room’s gone except for Ashley making excited squeaking noises.  
  
“ _You’re_  shipper trash,” Mary tells her.  
  
“But what a ship!” Sam’s tone is grandiose.  
  
Liam pulls away from Taliesin. “If you’d shut the fuck up, it would help,” he says.  
  
“Uh,” Taliesin says a little dazed. “Okay... anyone want to guess who Liam has to kiss next?”  
  
“Oh, is it me again?” Liam asks with a wicked innocent look that says he damn well knows it’s him again.

“It is you,” Taliesin says.  
  
“Hands up for Keyleth?” Laura raises her hand, looking around the room. Marisha’s hand creeps up. So does Sam’s, although he looks a lot less certain about it. Mary and Ashley are both shaking their heads with an identical look of amusement.  
  
“Hands up for Gilmore,” Matt says quietly, like he’s been expecting it.

“Aw, you guessed,” Liam protests when Taliesin nods at the two of them. “It’s meant to be a surprise.”  
  
“The only thing that’s a surprise is that we’re apparently not number one,” Matt says with spirit.  
  
“Come on, Mercer. Put your mouth where my mouth is.”  
  
For all that he describes his kisses as grabby in-game, this one really isn’t. Liam kisses Matt the same way that he’s kissed (almost literally) everyone else in the room: gentle but hot, very aware that he’s got an audience and playing up to that.   
  
Except it’s not, because this time  _everyone_  goes silent, and it goes on a lot longer, and the only thing that stops it is Marisha making a near-inaudible squeak of shock. Her fingers are pressed to her lips and she looks like she’s just woken up from a really interesting dream.  
  
“Well,” Taliesin says nonsensically, looking down at his phone.  
  
“C’mere, Kiki,” Liam says, hauling Marisha up close and planting a rushed but thorough kiss on her lips, as if he’s just realized that he’s the center of attention.  
  
“I can’t believe my twin brother’s the fandom bike,” Laura says, drawing a round of laughter, not least from Liam, who settles back into his place looking thoroughly impressed with himself.  
  
Taliesin just looks down at his phone and wonders if he should try sorting by rating next time.

**Author's Note:**

> 10\. Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia  
> 9\. Keyleth/Vax'ildan/Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III  
> 8\. Keyleth/Kashaw Vesh  
> 7\. Kima/Allura Vysoren  
> 6\. Zahra Hydris/Vex'ahlia  
> 5\. Keyleth/Vex'ahlia  
> 4\. Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia  
> 3\. Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vax'ildan  
> 2\. Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan  
> 1\. Keyleth/Vax'ildan

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Kissing By Numbers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13734984) by [unrealkinkster (criticalkink)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/criticalkink/pseuds/unrealkinkster)




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